June 23, 2014

“That Ugly Scale”
By Cheryl Ellison

As I contemplated my first blog as the Executive Director of the Leading Ladies Unlimited Website…my writing concept ideas spanned the gamut: “Raising Amazing Kids”, “Building an Everlasting Marriage”, or possibly “Having Great Success in One’s Career”….and then I stepped on the scale. Like most women, and especially women of a certain age (I just turned 53 last month), my bathroom scale is not a loyal friend.

Recently, I saw a FaceBook post that read something like, “What I wouldn’t give to step on the scale and see the number that I saw the first time I thought I was FAT”! Now, that’s a FaceBook post that I can relate to. That first FAT number was around 160lbs. At the time, I was a top collegiate athlete playing basketball for the Penn State Lady Lions. I was tall, (still am…almost 6’0”) fit and strong, but I still felt FAT and the gym scale confirmed my worst fears. My personal desirable weight at age 19 was 155lbs, not the 160lbs number that the scale was displaying. And, so began my up and down journey with my weight, my scale and my self-esteem.

In the big picture, I have been extremely fortunate in the weight department. I mean a 6’0” frame can hide a lot of weight. Of course, the additional weight does impact one’s fashion choices…never did I think that my favorite fashion piece might include an elastic waistband. Thirty five years after my first “FAT” perception on the scale (did I just say “thirty five years”?!?), my most recent “desirable weight” is less than 183lbs….which is 23lbs more than my original 160lb FAT weight.

And, now, let’s just add my desire to look my best at my daughter’s upcoming wedding in November, 2014. While I couldn’t be more excited about her big day and this celebration, I have to admit that the thought of this upcoming event has given my ugly scale even more power over me. As a result, I feel an even greater self-imposed pressure to weigh a lot less than the number that my scale is currently displaying.

So where do I go from here? As we age, our love/hate relationship with both the scale and with the mirror tends to intensify. What do the rising numbers, the undesirable body shape changes and subtle wrinkles mean…not to mention the hot flashes!?! At 53, I am now half way through what I refer to as a woman’s Season of Appreciation (which generally occurs between the ages of 45-64). When I quiet my head long enough to get in touch with my heart and my soul, I get to see glimpses of the amazing Leading Lady that I have become as well as the Leading Lady that I still can BE!

However, my head is frequently full of noise…some which I create myself and some that comes from the world that we live in. As a result, it can be challenging to find the quiet. The wedding is now only five months away. I have just started seriously working out (for the first time in a couple of decades) with the intention of “Getting My FIT Back” and doing what I can to look and BE my best for this important and special day for our daughter and our family. I welcome you to join me on this journey!

Cheryl Ellison

Cheryl Ellison

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